Tonight I took a pause over this picture taken last month. There is a special ache felt only from missing those from the same womb.
The only ones who share the same starting place as me.
I struggle with being so far away. 3,000 miles is a tough pill to swallow in those moments where the busyness ceases and I’m the only one awake to think about things. Things usually means people because I am a product of those in my life. I have developed an acute sense of these 2 in me… how my sister’s existence taught me to not be a spoiled brat (for the most part), how my brother taught me how to live with a boy, and how the resolution of a fight is, ultimately, a chance to become closer to that person even if it takes a decade.
My parents told me this would happen…. that there would be a day that I missed sitting around the table with all of us, or letting my sister borrow my shirts.
This is a Happy Father’s Day Blog for my Dad and all the other awesome Dads. Why is my Dad awesome? First of all, who makes black pants and cream jackets look that good? Second of all, My Dad loves his kids and we know it!
A few things I think of when I think of my Dad are, making spaghetti, sleeping in, candy bars, installing tile, and watching late night TV, among many other things.
The biggest joy of my childhood, unbeknownst to me at the time, is that my parents love the Lord, and instilled that love in their kids.
I am blessed to still have both my parents in my life. I am blessed my Dad got to give me away at my wedding.
I don’t take those things for granted.
I love you Dad.
I promise I’ll start thinking about making you a Grandpa real soon….
Yesterday, my family’s beloved great dane Daisy, had to be put down. She had finally lost control of herself and couldn’t even stand anymore. My brother Corey took this picture before they put her to sleep. He was the only one in town and he bravely and gracefully took Daisy through her last moments. It was a weird day with all of our family literally being on opposite sides of the country and being so sad for Daisy having to say goodbye.
There is something about a great dane that is so remarkably human. Daisy was our first dane and it was especially hard to say goodbye. On my last trip home, I had a couple special goodbye moments with her. I knew it wasn’t going to be long.
Daisy was special. Daisy was a love. Daisy was loved and she will be missed.
Anniversary success #4 Today was filled with work and school, but we did eat at a restaurant that looked exactly like Gusteau’s from Ratatoille…. so basically our dinner was cooked by a rat. It was great. I love my husband more every day. He is totally the man for me. I relish every moment of our adventure we’re on. We just finished watching our wedding/honeymoon videos and I felt transported back to that time. I got up to get something in the kitchen and I briefly felt as if I was in a strange place. My mind goes to the past so quickly, yet Ryan’s hovers in the future. It tis a good balance I guess. I really miss my sister… a lot. I haven’t seen her in 6 months. That’s a whole lot of time for anyone in my family to go without seeing each other. I’ve seen my brother a couple times, but Sara… no She is the happy to my sad and the up to my down. Come back to me Sara
Summer in Boston… crazy Goes from 80′s to now it’s 56… I can’t believe I need a sweater in June
I’m in a contemplative mood today so it is quite convenient that I found this nook at my school’s Cafe 939.
It is quite adorable and contemplativy.
I’m sitting here with my coffee, relieved that a huge project is turned in, and talking to my Dad on the phone. I think I’m genuinely one of those people who doesn’t take their families for granted. I might not talk to them as much as I should, but I sure know how blessed I am. I truly cannot believe I have them. Every moment with them is an extra blessing and there are so many who don’t have the same time or the same number of breaths…
I also spoke with my sister Sara about the song of hers I arranged for school (hence the turned in project). She wrote great lyrics and I rearranged the music. I love her so much. She is so grown up and loves the Lord so deeply. I feel as the older I get, the more I learn from her than she from me. The roles of childhood are so often reversed. My little brother Corey is a giant man now who beats me up and bosses me around, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So I settle into my new roles in the family as we all are in the morning of our adulthood. The distance is excruciating, but the love is increasing. At least for me it is.
I go home in a few short days. I’ll miss Sara, but I’ll see the rest of them including the giant puppies who I also deeply miss…. even the stupid cat.
Drew will make me giant lattes
Katie Bug and I will do a beach trip
and I’m sure there will be many other shenanigans and late nights…
I arrived safely in Boston this morning after my brief trip to the motherland (South Florida). It was good to go home. My mom flew me down and for that I was quite grateful. I saw a few people, but mostly spent quality time with my family and really close friends.
I guess I feel like I’m learning how to not make myself feel guilty for things. A couple people mentioned the fact that they didn’t see me this past week, and frankly I’m ok with that. My husband will tell you that I have a problem worrying about what people think and making myself feel terrible for things that I can’t fix. It was good to rest and just see my family and close friends. On another note, I have had some great thinking time this past week being off from school and in a different environment. I’m sure I’ll be formulating some more cohesive ideas in the near future. I feel that God continues to mature and grow me. I am trying to keep my heart and head quiet and still enough to hear what He is trying to say.
I am lounging on my couch. It’s 42 degrees outside which means it is warming up. I watch my fishes swim in their bowl on the table as I drink my coffee out of a special mug that makes me think of my sister Sara. As I peruse my computer’s modest sound libraries looking for ideas for my friend Paul’s film, I am wondering how I ever arrived at doing so many wonderful things.
Am I really scoring a short film? Do I really play in an orchestra? Did I really just play on 5 student film scoring cues in the last couple of weeks? Do I really get to go see Craig Ferguson with Katie-Bug next week in Florida? Why do I get to be married to someone who is so good to me? How have we kept 2 fish alive for this long?
All things that have graced my thoughts in the last hour. Ryan is coming home… later
I am cooking in a crockpot for the first time today. My grandma got me one for my recent birthday. She knew I wanted one since I loved hers. I am making lemon pepper roast chicken so we’ll see if slow cooking it really works. It’s an experiment so we’ll see!
Sara Bost is a great sister… She sent me a wonderful birthday letter last week and written on it were some verses, my favorite of which I will show you:
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose hope is ithe LORD For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, According to the fruit of his doings.
As a partridge that broods but does not hatch, so is he who gets riches but not by right; It will leave him in the midst of his days and at his end he will be a fool.
A glorious high throne from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary. O LORD, the hope of Israel all who forsake You shall be ashamed. Those who depart from Me shall be written in the earth because they have forsaken the Lord the fountain of living waters.
I love when the word just sets my heart right. It is so rich and so deep.
So I had a good 23rd birthday. Ryan took me to Blue Man Group which was so good! and then we went to a fun restaurant. It snowed a little in the morning. I am officially getting more gray hairs…. it’s cool though. I think I’ll start to look more distinguished.
I am a mental slave to my own self. All the worry and stress I am just simply done with. Our financial situation has been precarious for some time but so what? It’s just numbers on someone’s balance sheet. My worth is not in this world. I have one week left in Florida before returning to Beantown and I really can see the changes in our life as I look back at the last three weeks.
I just don’t care to see people as much anymore because time is so precious. I want to see the ones I really care deeply about; the friends and family who I know will continue to be in my life even though I live 2,000 miles away. I miss the things and even the close relationships that have changed… people are growing up, starting new schools and jobs, getting married, and don’t like to reminisce as much as I do… alas the movement of life is too forward for me at times.
One good thing is that we’ll be having some loved ones visit us up north very soon. Memories shall be made and fun will be had.
I know I’m where I’m supposed to be and I know God will provide like always… Enough worry.
I’m just going to start punching my worry in the face.
Gifts is one of my major love languages so needless to say, being broke lately has presented a challenge to love my loved ones with Christmas gifts. I got creative and edited together some family memories of recent years and burned some DVD s. I was able to use Howard for something more than school and internet… (Howard is my mac book pro named after Howard Shore who also went to Berklee)
They turned out great and the response was even greater. This as contributed to my also recent pondering which is how meaningful Christmas and family time is. Yeah it’s cliche but I really have been having a deep spiritual, emotional, and fulfilling experience since coming home and even before. What a great way to remember what’s real than by erasing a lot of the superfluous fluff. Yeah, we had a great morning opening our traditional name draw dollar gifts, but I was also blessed by getting the keyboard I need to start really getting into my composing and serious music work. God is so good… also a special thanks to my parents and Pastor Clay for being so thoughtful.
Cello lesson tomorrow with my old, favorite teacher… should be good.
I am sitting in a lovely hotel in Athens, GA. I’m about to go lay out by the pool. My cousin Ashley is getting married today to her love Kevin. She is so gorgeous and I love her so much. This whole weekend has been so perfect. I can’t wait to see her walk down the aisle. I will share more pictures later.