Facebook Map

It might be obvious from before that I’m a sucker for visual representations of digital information. I got away from using Facebook apps a while ago because, frankly, they made it feel like Myspace. This one was different. It is simple and intriguing. You basically see a map of where your friend’s are from around the globe. I attribute any international dot to the friends I’ve made at Berklee. I’m sure I was shockingly sheltered in who I knew before. 

I was a little surprised that I don’t have any dots in South America, or more in Asia. I am unaware of their formula, but maybe the dots are consolidated. 


Try it out and see how diverse your online friends are.

Birthday

Am I really 24? Where has this year and gone?
What a journey I have been on. I have so enjoyed the last year of adventuring here in Boston with my love. I appreciate all my friends up here that I have slowly grown even closer to, yet I still dearly miss the ones back home.
Today will be a busy day for a birthday, but I look forward to celebrating this weekend with different friends and especially Ryan.  

In my 25th year I am looking forward to:
1. Hopefully going to LA over the summer to intern with a composer or studio.
2. Learning how to be a better composer.
3. Learning how to be a better song writer.
4. More friends and family visiting us in Boston.
5. Staying motivated to get in better shape by exercising more.
6. Falling more in love with Jesus.
7. The last and final Harry Potter movie: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part II!
8. Finding out what life will hold for us next as we find out about Ryan’s PHD application.
9. Hopefully finally convincing my parents to get another great dane puppy.
10. Finally finishing my quest to watch all the best picture winners.

The End of a Thing

This has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life. The end of the fall colors into the colder temperature marks the point where the light at the end shines a bit brighter while the light outside shines dimmer. This semester feels like I just finished running two simultaneous marathons. I don’t even know how I’m a person right now. I’m not even done yet, but I’m feeling like I’ll be able to muster the strength for the last push of finals, proficiencies, music memorization, recordings, and being generally tested on many forms of performance. It’s a pressure I’ve become strangely used to and also strangely appreciate for its benefit.

When I complain again could someone please sit me down and remind me of these few months and tell me how good I have it? God bless Ryan for carrying me, and God bless it being Christmas time! My favorite time will only bring added joy. 
The welcome distraction of visitors over the last few weeks has been great, and as we get ready to say goodbye to Mark and Noelle tomorrow, I’m ready to buckle down.


I’ll see you on the other side…. that is, if I make it.

Guilt Free

I arrived safely in Boston this morning after my brief trip to the motherland (South Florida). It was good to go home. My mom flew me down and for that I was quite grateful. 
I saw a few people, but mostly spent quality time with my family and really close friends. 

I guess I feel like I’m learning how to not make myself feel guilty for things. A couple people mentioned the fact that they didn’t see me this past week, and frankly I’m ok with that. 
My husband will tell you that I have a problem worrying about what people think and making myself feel terrible for things that I can’t fix. 
It was good to rest and just see my family and close friends. 

On another note, I have had some great thinking time this past week being off from school and in a different environment. I’m sure I’ll be formulating some more cohesive ideas in the near future.
I feel that God continues to mature and grow me. I am trying to keep my heart and head quiet and still enough to hear what He is trying to say.

Coffee Thoughts

I am lounging on my couch.
It’s 42 degrees outside which means it is warming up.
I watch my fishes swim in their bowl on the table as I drink my coffee out of a special mug that makes me think of my sister Sara.
As I peruse my computer’s modest sound libraries looking for ideas for my friend Paul’s film, I am wondering how I ever arrived at doing so many wonderful things.

Am I really scoring a short film?
Do I really play in an orchestra?
Did I really just play on 5 student film scoring cues in the last couple of weeks?
Do I really get to go see Craig Ferguson with Katie-Bug next week in Florida?
Why do I get to be married to someone who is so good to me?
How have we kept 2 fish alive for this long?


All things that have graced my thoughts in the last hour. 
Ryan is coming home… later

The Wolfpack


Here are our new goldfish. We can’t have furry pets (also they’re too much work) so here’s our 3 fish.
We call them the Wolfpack in reference to the movie the Hangover. They have names of characters like Doug, Dr. F, and Fat Jesus.

On a side note, if you haven’t seen that movie, immediately go and rent it and watch it and love it.

In other Ryan and Jessica life thoughs:

It’s going to snow tomorrow which is pretty great.

Ryan and I are starting to form closer friendships from our church and school.

I am starting a night with some school friends where we will work our way through all the films that have won best original score so we can study the music.

Ryan Collman and Lauren Bayse (who are soon to be wed) visited us this week which was so awesome. It was great to show them around the city.

I am singing for the first time at our church next weekend which I’m excited about.

Orchestra practices are going very well so far as we work our way toward an April performance.

This semester is very thick and full of theory, thus I am struggling to muster up as much excitement as last semester. It is still needed though.

That’s all for now.

My Story Book


Ryan made a comment today about feeling like going back to Boston is like jumping back into a story book after you put it down. I so feel that way! It’s like when you’re a kid and you make believe for hours or you half wake up from a great dream and so wish you can jump back in when you fall asleep and it only works half the time. Living there overall really does feel like an adventure. It isn’t fun all the time and I struggle with worry, but if I knew the answers it wouldn’t be our story. People in the movies or books never knew what happened next…

Oh what a great month this has been. My batteries are charged. I still worked but time with our peeps was fabulous.

On a similar note, Ryan wrote me a sweet song for Christmas that I am trying to figure out how to post so people can hear. It is so special and all about doing our adventure together and having no idea what comes next, but having each other. It’s terrific.

Ok so everyone go to sleep tonight and have one of those dreams …

the epic ones where you’re the hero and fight off bad guys and someone falls in love with you…

and also where animals can talk and chocolate is a vegetable…

and you happen to be fabulously wealthy…

Punching My Worry in the Face

I am a mental slave to my own self. All the worry and stress I am just simply done with. Our financial situation has been precarious for some time but so what? It’s just numbers on someone’s balance sheet. My worth is not in this world.
I have one week left in Florida before returning to Beantown and I really can see the changes in our life as I look back at the last three weeks.

I just don’t care to see people as much anymore because time is so precious. I want to see the ones I really care deeply about; the friends and family who I know will continue to be in my life even though I live 2,000 miles away.
I miss the things and even the close relationships that have changed… people are growing up, starting new schools and jobs, getting married, and don’t like to reminisce as much as I do… alas the movement of life is too forward for me at times.

One good thing is that we’ll be having some loved ones visit us up north very soon. Memories shall be made and fun will be had.

I know I’m where I’m supposed to be and I know God will provide like always… Enough worry.

I’m just going to start punching my worry in the face.

They’re Masters


Today my mother-in-law graduated from UF with her masters degree in special education. I’m really proud of her. It’s very cool she went back to school at this stage in her life.
Next week my husband graduates with his masters from Trinity. I’m incredibly proud of him.

It’s just a masters kind of week which is cool also because I get to keep going out of lunch with family and friends, but that’s not the main reason, just a side reason.

Today we drove 9 hours to go watch mom graduate at UF. It was totally worth it.

Digital Cameras: The Ultimate Form of Narcissism

I’m still in the mountains at the wonderful McCall cabin. Me and Debbie have been uploading and editing the literally thousands of pictures that have been taken so far. Not even close to done. Today was topped off by a massive photo shoot mostly with the girls. It was so fun, but seriously? Hundreds of pictures? I am seriously in a JPEG coma from weeding through these endless shots.

In this digital age of endless shots how can we help being so self conscious of that “little bulge” or the “little hair in covering my eye?”

Who am I kidding?
I LOVE IT…

Georgia: Because I’m a selfish human

I am such a woman.
Shocker I know.
I climb to the highest point of my day where everything is wonderful, I’m worshiping God, I love everyone, and then I snap at someone.

ugh.

Self control and the Spirit living in my emotions and feelings is not a strong point of mine. I guess further embarrassment and consequence is the only thing God can use to wake me up and change me.
I have been learning a lot about that and how pain and discomfort bring us to true change.

We’re here in the mountains at the McCalls’ cabin again. It is truly wonderful. They are a blessing to us. I have been struggling with some things for the last two days on this trip that I am just now letting God change in me. It’s a good feeling. Shocking, but good and much needed. More later, I’m tired now and I really cannot form very coherent thoughts.

Birthday Blog

The older I get the more I appreciate people just wanting to spend time with me on my birthday. Material stuff is just …. stuff. It does not matter.
I love my family and friends and am looking forward to celebrating more this weekend.

22…
This past year of my life has been revolutionary. I have changed so much. I cannot believe the things God did as I look back.
I am a better
worshiper
wife
friend
sister
daughter
co-worker
musician
I can say my life is radically different. Now the goal is to let God do that every year. To have Him constantly change me and erase my flesh is hard. It is not easy to have growing pains. I got to know people this year that I can’t believe I ever lived without.

This year I had moments with God that stopped me. I felt His Spirit pierce my soul and touch my heart. I cried tears of remorse and joy. I had moments of communion with Him that stole the breath from my lungs and the sin from my grasp. I love to hear the sound of His voice and live for the next time I hear it. I love Ryan a thousand times more than I did. I have become more wise and yet more foolish in the eyes of men.

If you are reading this you are probably someone who has affected my life this year and I want to thank you. Thank you for bearing with my weakness. Thank you for praying for me, and for loving me. I cannot walk through this life without your support.
I thank God for you.

Typical Wednesday

Slept too late today. I hate that… I still got everything done though
I’m getting much closer to playing the prelude to Suite No. 1 by J.S. Bach on the cello
No one will know what that is, but it is a small milestone for me.

Went to work.
Made 6,383 music packets
Had another really productive voice lesson with Amy to get ready for my upcoming audition or as I like to say
“the audish”

Played worship with the kids. Even though sometimes I can get tired of my job and see other grass as greener, I know I am going to miss this someday.

of course Chipotle is always a good end of the day.

Some of us were talking about a short film for a contest talking about the first amendment. It should be pretty funny. We’ll see how it turns out.

What’s in a name?

It is a fact that I have been referred to by all of the following names:

  • Jessica
  • Jessie
  • Jess
  • Miss Bost
  • Mrs. Huber
  • Babe
  • J
  • Jessie-O
  • Dr. J
  • Mustard girl (La Chica de Mustasa)
  • Pinky
  • Eagle Eye McJenkins
  • The Crimson Bullet
  • Sugar Plum Munchkin girl (SPMG)
  • The Awesome Cheese

I believe what this list suggests is that the people around me are a little strange.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly…..

Of 2008

The Good:

  • I turned 21… no I haven’t done anything stupid
  • Mexico Mission Trip
  • Two life changing summer camps
  • Amazing Georgia and Orlando trips
  • New friends
  • Started up cello lessons again
  • Applied to Berklee
  • Wrote and recorded my first short film score
  • Got in a little bit better shape
  • I love Jesus More

The Bad:

  • I did not practice music enough
  • I did not write enough music
  • I still killed every plant I brought into the house
  • Our car was smashed in the front for 4 months but at least it taught me patience
  • Probably spent too much money

The Ugly:

  • I did not love Ryan enough
  • I judged people too harshly
  • I was not always completely honest
  • I did not always worship with my whole heart

Today was a _________ Day

A few ponderings at the end of today…

1. I am incapable of growing plants. Whenever I spend more energy and time trying to keep them alive, they just die faster.

2. Florida weather this time of year is in that awkward in between stages where it can’t decide if it wants to be cold or hot so it just throws up a bunch of humidity. It resembles the awkwardness of middle school were you to compare weather to a human life. If you can’t decide whether to be adult or a kid… just throw up a little teen angst on everyone and that should solve it.

3. Candy is not a good choice for lunch.

4. Asian people are smart, specifically Indians, also, my husband.

5. The writers of Saturday Night Live are brilliant, dare I say genius. The fact that it now airs on Thursdays as well fills me with glee.

That is all.

Past vs. Future

Sometime this past week Ryan and I had a discussion about how He is future oriented and I am past oriented. We will literally be having a conversation about something important about our future and I will change the subject to something like “Remember when that happened…” or “Remember when we did this…”
I guess you could say we compliment each other well that way. It’s a balance between the two really; life is. If left to my own devices I would sit on my couch and remember the funny things that happened that week and drown myself in pictures and home movies from the last five years.
We all need a little of both…. the nostalgia and the pressing onward.

Also… we go together like peas and carrots.

Fast

Life is flying by at warp speed. Last night I attended Stephanie Freistat’s wedding…. crazy. She was so beautiful and so cute.

I am learning to appreciate the moments because they quickly change. The vast majority of people in my life will only be there for a season; to learn from them, to love them, to laugh with them, to be frustrated with them, and then they’re gone.

Storms are not as cool…. when you’re not in school


This storm Fay is coming…. so that’s neat.
I used to think it was so cool to get off from class, but now that I’m not in school, it’s just disgusting outside.
However, I might get a couple awesome hang out, hurricane party, card nights out of this. I’m all for baking cookies and making pancakes on the grill again.

Battle

I am sitting here in Georgia in the forest. There is a river in the back, trees everywhere, and my cell phone finally doesn’t work.

I’m contemplating the wild whirlwind that was the last three weeks.

It started with being a leader at high school summer camp. God began to draw me back to himself during that week and I was able to connect with people I don’t usually talk to. Having deep Bible studies every day began to give me a deep yearning for the word again. I left that week actually looking forward to the work ahead of me at middle school camp. 

The week in between was the standard stress and work that comes with planning a camp for 310 students. It was nonstop. The momentum was building at that point. 

Middle School camp this year was unlike any experience I’ve had. It ended up being the culmination of a season of my life.
We left on Saturday and the students were to arrive on Monday. I felt a strange feeling on Saturday all day. It was hard to explain; only that no one was specifically mean to one another, but there was a general vibe of negativity. Our work got done. We shot a video all day on Sunday while the rest of the crew continued to set up.

The students arrived as scheduled, and we were all tired as usual. Certain things we began to write off as typical glitches and minor road blocks. However, we still had yet to sit down as a group and surrender it all the Jesus.

Every set that we played began to have technical problems; major ones. Mics wouldn’t work, the sound system got struck by lightning, monitors cutting out, feedback, stage setup problems, and the list goes on.
Pastor Chet arrived a day late due to cancelled flights.
Early in the morning on Wednesday, one of our drama team members, Paul, goes into the hospital for appendicitis. He had to have surgery, thus the drama had to be re-written. 

Things were happening back home such as deaths, sickness, injury. 

We had a cloud of darkness over us. 

My emotions were running high and I had a major spiritual break down on the second night.

We watched with joy and triumph on Tuesday night as 70 students got saved, and the last night 20 more surrendered their lives. That alone brings it all in perspective.

As a small team, we began to wage spiritual battle.  We spent a night of intercessory prayer and worship that refocused us and literally transformed the lives of us in that room. It “happened” to be the exact time Paul was in the operating room. 
The next day services and worship began to take on new meaning.

Thursday, the last full day of camp, we did a Jericho / Joshua like prayer walk around our auditorium. We anointed everything with oil and did a walk followed by shouts and worship.
The Spirit was there and he was moving like a mighty wind.  

That night’s worship was the most indescribable worship set. 
It had nothing to do with us or anything we did in our own strength.
If I could have walked off that stage I would have.
That’s been the lesson for me. I can’t get on stage and do things out of habit or a sense of pride, or anything I think I have figured out. I am nothing. My own strength and merit counts for nothing next to His holiness.

My mind is empty of the junk. I am learning the true meaning of being still and knowing…..knowing that He is God. Being here in the Georgia wilderness has been transforming. 

All of this is hard to explain…. it’s hard to put into words. The beautiful thing is that God is bigger than our language, His spirit moves in ways we can’t understand. Everything is more colorful and more real. 

The experience of that week, whether I can explain it or not, whether I can share it with you or not, was real and the reality is that He desires us to seek Him extraordinarily. 
He will answer us in mighty ways when we run after who He is with everything.