These past few days for me have been all about realizing that I do not have it all together when I rely on myself; which up until recently has been …. all the time.
I pretend all the time. I pretend so much that, well, I believe it myself. I can’t rely on my own righteousness (which in reality doesn’t exist).
I can’t rely on the people around me. I used to think they would make me happy.
When I woke up today, the Bible that had been previously closed upon going to bed, was wide open on my bedside table. After the last month, I am no longer surprised by things like this. Naturally, I say to myself, “self…. you should probably read the page to which your Bible opened.”
Sayings like the word of God is alive and active take on new meaning…
It’s Job.
Chapter 25 reads:
(Job’s friend Bildad speaking)
Dominion and fear belong to Him;
He makes peace in His high places.
Is there any number to His armies?
Upon whom does His light not rise?
How then can man be righteous before God?
Or how can he be pure who is born of a woman?
If even the moon does not shine,
And the stars are not pure in His sight,
How much less man, who is a maggot,
And a son of man, who is a worm?
(I think of Nic Segraves lying in the hospital at this moment and when he played the part of one of Job’s friends last year in J.B. I do not find this to be a coincidence.)
Job speaks at the end of Chapter 26:
Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?
Of course it is also thundering and storming outside as I read this.
His whisper. His power. His love. My faults. My unrighteousness.
It all washes over me like a flood.
