This evening our Berklee intern group ventured to Elias Arts for our first workshop. This place is one of the top music production houses, which proved exciting for us to hear from the front lines of commercial work, sound design, and film and television work. Their studio was immaculate, their people professional, and their resume is staggering.
I am beginning to ponder more possibilities of what my career and life will hold. It is easy for me to get lost in my dreams and ambitions as I try to live them out. Being in LA with Ryan, living this summer adventure, lends itself to a lot of life talks together. We talk about what our life will hold for both our careers, where to live, as well as starting a family. My worry creeps up… the self doubt…
Then the Word of God brings me back:
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9
Who am I to second guess my calling and ability, when it was all given to me in the first place?
If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm. Psalm 37:23
I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps. Jeremiah 10:23
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21
1 Samuel 16:7 (New King James Version)
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
Alright. It’s the flip side of my crazy semester and even Christmas now. Time is moving.
I made it and I’m realizing that some problems don’t exclusively go with a crazy schedule, or too much school work.
My heart has been challenged to change over this Christmas holiday. Ryan and I have been having some serious conversations with the dear people in our life. I know now the valleys and challenges that often come with maintaining long distance friend and family relationships.
I cling to the fleeting approval of people. This part of scripture will always convict me and I’m moved again as I meditate on it. The depth of this story of David astounds me. I could write 5,000 words right now on my thoughts on the life of David.
Moving into other chapters of life, as I am about to do this January, always motivates me toward discipline and heart change. That is exactly what I intend to do now.
I’m shedding the self destructive habits I formed in the last 3 months of relying on people’s approval, unneeded mental stress and worry, and lack of spiritual discipline.
Here we go…
Sara Bost is a great sister… She sent me a wonderful birthday letter last week and written on it were some verses, my favorite of which I will show you:
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD
And whose hope is ithe LORD
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked;
Who can know it?
I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind,
Even to give every man according to his ways,
According to the fruit of his doings.
As a partridge that broods but does not hatch, so is he who gets riches but not by right;
It will leave him in the midst of his days and at his end he will be a fool.
A glorious high throne from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary.
O LORD, the hope of Israel all who forsake You shall be ashamed.
Those who depart from Me shall be written in the earth because they have forsaken the Lord the fountain of living waters.
I love when the word just sets my heart right. It is so rich and so deep.
So I had a good 23rd birthday. Ryan took me to Blue Man Group which was so good! and then we went to a fun restaurant. It snowed a little in the morning. I am officially getting more gray hairs…. it’s cool though. I think I’ll start to look more distinguished.
“His Omnipotence means power to do all that is intrinsically possible, not to do the intrinsically impossible. You may attribute miracles to Him, but not nonsense. There is no limit to His power.
If you choose to say, ‘God can give a creature free will and at the same time withhold free will from it,’ you have not succeeded in saying anything about God: meaningless combinations of words do not suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prifex to them the two other words, ‘God can.’
It remains true that all things are possible with God: the intrinsic impossibilities are not things but nonentities. It is no more possible for God than for the weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually exclusive alternatives; not because His power meets an obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even when we talk it about God.”
— C.S. Lewis (The Problem of Pain)
These past few days for me have been all about realizing that I do not have it all together when I rely on myself; which up until recently has been …. all the time.
I pretend all the time. I pretend so much that, well, I believe it myself. I can’t rely on my own righteousness (which in reality doesn’t exist).
I can’t rely on the people around me. I used to think they would make me happy.
When I woke up today, the Bible that had been previously closed upon going to bed, was wide open on my bedside table. After the last month, I am no longer surprised by things like this. Naturally, I say to myself, “self…. you should probably read the page to which your Bible opened.”
Sayings like the word of God is alive and active take on new meaning…
Chapter 25 reads:
(Job’s friend Bildad speaking)
Dominion and fear belong to Him;
He makes peace in His high places.
Is there any number to His armies?
Upon whom does His light not rise?
How then can man be righteous before God?
Or how can he be pure who is born of a woman?
If even the moon does not shine,
And the stars are not pure in His sight,
How much less man, who is a maggot,
And a son of man, who is a worm?
(I think of Nic Segraves lying in the hospital at this moment and when he played the part of one of Job’s friends last year in J.B. I do not find this to be a coincidence.)
Job speaks at the end of Chapter 26:
Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?
Of course it is also thundering and storming outside as I read this.
His whisper. His power. His love. My faults. My unrighteousness.
It all washes over me like a flood.