This has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life. The end of the fall colors into the colder temperature marks the point where the light at the end shines a bit brighter while the light outside shines dimmer. This semester feels like I just finished running two simultaneous marathons. I don’t even know how I’m a person right now. I’m not even done yet, but I’m feeling like I’ll be able to muster the strength for the last push of finals, proficiencies, music memorization, recordings, and being generally tested on many forms of performance. It’s a pressure I’ve become strangely used to and also strangely appreciate for its benefit.
When I complain again could someone please sit me down and remind me of these few months and tell me how good I have it? God bless Ryan for carrying me, and God bless it being Christmas time! My favorite time will only bring added joy.
The welcome distraction of visitors over the last few weeks has been great, and as we get ready to say goodbye to Mark and Noelle tomorrow, I’m ready to buckle down.
I’ll see you on the other side…. that is, if I make it.
Boston can be a dark place. I have been contemplating that lately as I still strive to adjust to my new hectic schedule. Soon it will become even darker as the weather changes and the winter becomes a stark picture of what was in our hearts already. My own thoughts creep in and I doubt myself, my work, my calling, my abilities.
There was one of those cheesy youth group slogans I was told, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.”
Now that I think of it, it might have been a Baptist saying…
The mix of God’s call on my life and my natural gifting has birthed many strange thoughts and doubts in my mind. Especially since my pursuits have, as of late, been very costly and caused my family to sacrifice a lot.
I read Oswald today as he spoke of “The Consciousness of the Call”
“We are apt to forget the mystical, supernatural touch of God. If you can tell where you got the call of God and all about it, I question whether you have ever had a call. The call of God does not come like that, it is much more supernatural [...] He will bring not only your conscious life, but all the deeper regions of your life which you cannot get at, into harmony.”
I’m a worrier and a doubter anyways. It’s what I constantly struggle and battle through.
However, I love days like today, that seem just a little bit brighter, and I’m able to shake off some darkness in my heart as I read these verses. I also just randomly flipped here… probably not an accident.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.
Thus says the Lord: Keep justice, and do righteousness, for My salvation is about to come, and My righteousness to be revealed. Blessed is the man who does this, and the son of man who lays hold on it; who keeps from defiling the Sabbath, and keeps his hand from doing any evil.
I was on my way to rehearsal today for church this Sunday and I saw this while riding the red line today. It’s the view from the other side of the Charles River from the Cambridge side. My school is right next to where the big Prudential building is.
I’ve seen it before, but today it was especially beautiful. It’s starting to look like spring and it feels like it too.
I was thinking today, I live in freaking Boston! How did that happen? How do I live in such a giant city?
Wow… God is good and keeps surprising me with things I secretly have wanted for very long. Two things that spring to mind are that I’ve always wanted to live in a big, exciting city for a season, and I’ve always wanted to play in an orchestra… Both seemed way far off, but here I am…
Here are our new goldfish. We can’t have furry pets (also they’re too much work) so here’s our 3 fish.
We call them the Wolfpack in reference to the movie the Hangover. They have names of characters like Doug, Dr. F, and Fat Jesus.
On a side note, if you haven’t seen that movie, immediately go and rent it and watch it and love it.
In other Ryan and Jessica life thoughs:
It’s going to snow tomorrow which is pretty great.
Ryan and I are starting to form closer friendships from our church and school.
I am starting a night with some school friends where we will work our way through all the films that have won best original score so we can study the music.
Ryan Collman and Lauren Bayse (who are soon to be wed) visited us this week which was so awesome. It was great to show them around the city.
I am singing for the first time at our church next weekend which I’m excited about.
Orchestra practices are going very well so far as we work our way toward an April performance.
This semester is very thick and full of theory, thus I am struggling to muster up as much excitement as last semester. It is still needed though.
That’s all for now.
It’s winter time and we just had the first real snow of the season. It was beautiful waking up to this.
Last night Ryan took me to his school where they were giving free horse and buggy rides with a huge white horse complete with jingle bells. Very special except for the freezing.
We’re looking forward to finishing out this semester strong and going home to Florida for a nice long month.
I feel strange because I have two homes. We want to end up back in Florida so we’re not cutting all our ties, but here in Boston is where we belong for now… At least it gives me a little bigger view of the world than before…