Now I sleep…

Ok the nights are creeping later and later, and writing this now isn’t helping, but I’m on an interweb roll this evening.

Tonight I had the privilege of producing a song for the first time. I got to work with the incredible Felix Peikli. 
I recently began volunteering with Jazz Revelation Records, Berklee’s student run jazz record label, to gain valuable experience. It’s been quite an adventure being thrown into the middle of a recording whirlwind, but I’m experiencing great things already. 


I’m also procrastinating making a website which I know I am starting to need more and more… one of these days I will buckle down and do it. 


I have my interview for the LA Internship program this Friday! Exciting times….


Short and sweet update, now I sleep

On the Brink

In one week I will have begun my first day of the new fall semester. I am looking forward and yet bracing myself for what should be one of the busiest seasons of my life.
I reflect on this summer and realize that I haven’t done all the things I said I would do, but Ryan and I have had the summer of our lives. I’ll take the good with the bad. 

On the note of not following through… 
I am trying to move into a season of life where I finish what I start, do more or less of something when I say I will, and overall being more faithful to myself. I let myself down and am not consistently disciplined. 
I’ve wrote and thought about this a lot before, but this time I’m trying to attack the root of the problem. I’m realizing that it has to start with the Spiritual Disciplines. Staying in the Word, Fasting, and Actively engaging in community even when it’s uncomfortable. Every time I try to get in shape, practice / write music more, or even something silly like keep up with my photo albums, I fail miserably because I’m not grounded and disciplined enough in the ever important love relationship with my God.


So here’s to finishing what I start, using my gifts, serving others, being wise, and longing for eternity.


I’ll let you know how it goes…

The neverending list

I am in the middle of many final projects, scoring a film, starting a new job, trying (and failing) to get back in shape, and seeing Ryan every now and then… and why am I blogging?

I don’t know, maybe so you won’t stop reading?
Maybe I just can’t get certain thoughts out any other way.

First day on the job at Berklee City Music today and it has been going well so far.  I am the media content assistant which consists of many things all involving the internet :0]
If you’re interested in what Berklee City Music is, check out the website here.


I am a water drinking failure… In every way. There have been at least two days this week when I looked back and realized I had not drank a drop of water. 


Fail.

Also I am an exercise failure… I had a whole plan to implement and now I feel it falling apart.
Losing this last 10-12 pounds is seeming like an impossible goal.
Pilates and running should not be that difficult, but for my lazy bones apparently it is.
I’ll get back on the bandwagon and try again.
It’s not even the weight on the scale that is my frustration, it’s just that weird ”my jeans don’t fit correctly” feeling.

Punching My Worry in the Face

I am a mental slave to my own self. All the worry and stress I am just simply done with. Our financial situation has been precarious for some time but so what? It’s just numbers on someone’s balance sheet. My worth is not in this world.
I have one week left in Florida before returning to Beantown and I really can see the changes in our life as I look back at the last three weeks.

I just don’t care to see people as much anymore because time is so precious. I want to see the ones I really care deeply about; the friends and family who I know will continue to be in my life even though I live 2,000 miles away.
I miss the things and even the close relationships that have changed… people are growing up, starting new schools and jobs, getting married, and don’t like to reminisce as much as I do… alas the movement of life is too forward for me at times.

One good thing is that we’ll be having some loved ones visit us up north very soon. Memories shall be made and fun will be had.

I know I’m where I’m supposed to be and I know God will provide like always… Enough worry.

I’m just going to start punching my worry in the face.

New Church Experience

Today I visited a church that is thinking about hiring me to do their youth worship.

I know, I know….

I don’t believe it either.

It seems this is where God might be leading though.
The cool thing is it is different than any ministry I’ve been a part of. It’s an African Methodist Episcopal church. It is very cool and very different. I went to their Sunday service today and I really liked it. The people are much more inclusive and welcoming. Their music was cool and the whole vibe was really great.
It’s definitely much different than I’m used to, and If I end up being hired then I will have some unique challenges musically and culturally, but that might be part of why God has this for me.
I’m still figuring everything out (which may never happen) but in the meantime, Just one day and week at a time and trusting God along the way.
Just another day in this crazy journey.

One Week Down, Fifteen to Go


I successfully finished my first week as a Berklee student. I have 8 classes and like 7 out of 8 of my teachers. I guess it can’t all be perfect.

My classes are:

Writing Skills
Harmony 1
Ear Training 1

Beginning Improv for the Singer

Jazz/Blues vocal styles lab

Private Vocal Lesson

Berklee Contemporary Symphony Orchestra

Intro to Film Scoring


So needless to say, I am having a great time so far. Of course some of the classes are tedious and will continue to get harder, but I feel encouraged because everything I’m doing is useful and something I can apply to my musical future. I feel blessed.

In other news, Ryan was hired by Sylvan Learning Center as a private tutor so that’s awesome. I’m still looking for a job myself and we’re still trusting that the Lord will continue to provide all our needs like He always does. He is always faithful.

It’s so much fun living such an adventure.

The end of a thing is better…

Ryan is gone for the next fortnight which leaves me to brave these next two weeks on my own.

Today was my last Sunday playing with my worship team kids. Wednesday will be my last as well. Some goodbyes with these kids are more emotional than others.

There is just something about playing with them for that very last time that holds me. My brain is locked, usually during a song laced with history, and I watch the reel of images move as I remember everything I’ve ever done with someone or that special group of them. It is the pinnacle moment. It is unavoidable and I always knew that. I just watch. My own personal film plays that no one else can see or feel; it is my own. Rick understands the most.
It has happened so many times before in the last nine years, when someone left. It’s just my turn to move on.
It is good, It is so so good.
It is time.

Camp will inevitably be a last, big, tumultuous, emotional week. One last time.
What a way to end it all…
I’ll wind down slowly after that, but these two weeks? Yeah this is it. The end of the biggest season of my life thus far.

When Ryan returns, I think I will be a little different, hopefully a little stronger, all cried out and ready, really ready to go…

The end of a thing is better…

Typical Wednesday

Slept too late today. I hate that… I still got everything done though
I’m getting much closer to playing the prelude to Suite No. 1 by J.S. Bach on the cello
No one will know what that is, but it is a small milestone for me.

Went to work.
Made 6,383 music packets
Had another really productive voice lesson with Amy to get ready for my upcoming audition or as I like to say
“the audish”

Played worship with the kids. Even though sometimes I can get tired of my job and see other grass as greener, I know I am going to miss this someday.

of course Chipotle is always a good end of the day.

Some of us were talking about a short film for a contest talking about the first amendment. It should be pretty funny. We’ll see how it turns out.

List

So here’s a list of my current ponderings

1. Exhaustion and sickness has taken over after 4 services and 33 songs
2. I need to practice cello more
3. Chocolate is less appealing when there are mountains of it all around you
4. Two plants have been alive in my house for more than a week. That’s a record
5. I should probably finish wrapping my Christmas presents
6. I want to go to the beach tomorrow
7. I wish I could make a real snowman
8. I hope Katie Agarth finishes her script soon so we can make a movie
9. Doughnuts really are not that good
10. I can’t wait until Christmas

Life Update

I’m pretty sure I am the busyest I have ever been. I am working 50+ hours a week when you add up all my jobs. Whew…. I’ve never worked so much. I am learning a lot from week to week. Things like free time, being alone, staying home, practicing my own music, reading a good book, and watching movies I am no longer taking for granted.

Business is great. Right now I have 7 weekly music students 3 of whom take from me twice a week. I have 5 more students who are about to start taking lessons which will make me more busy. It is good though because I have found teaching is the most lucrative use of my time. God just keeps providing more opportunities the harder I work with the right heart. But it is seriously hard to have the right heart. I have to make sure I’m doing my three jobs out of the right motivation and not just trying to rake in the cash. The more generous I am, the more God gives me.

Ryan took the GRE (Graduate Record Examination) last week and did fantastic (at least I think he did). I’m so proud of him. God continues to remind me how smart Ryan is and how lucky I am to have him.

I’m off to go make dinner and do laundry, but I’m surprisingly okay with this…. I’m fairly certain this contentment is not from myself. Thank you Lord…

Back to it all

Life is finally (or should I say regretfully) returning to normal after the rambunctious, blissful, stressful, and ridiculous events of the summer. It has been the longest three months of my life.

All my music lessons are starting up again my little students are returning. The boost in income is nice, but with it comes less time to myself. It is back to reviewing G, D, Em, and C so many times that it makes me never want to play them again…

Last night’s youth sanctuary takeover service went very well thanks be to God because we felt relatively unprepared. It was our most thrown together service, but that’s when God can work is when we use less of ourselves.
Let me go on record as saying that I will try to live that way as well. If this summer has really changed me like I know it has, then God will continue to break me and erase my pride and replace it with Him.

Battle

I am sitting here in Georgia in the forest. There is a river in the back, trees everywhere, and my cell phone finally doesn’t work.

I’m contemplating the wild whirlwind that was the last three weeks.

It started with being a leader at high school summer camp. God began to draw me back to himself during that week and I was able to connect with people I don’t usually talk to. Having deep Bible studies every day began to give me a deep yearning for the word again. I left that week actually looking forward to the work ahead of me at middle school camp. 

The week in between was the standard stress and work that comes with planning a camp for 310 students. It was nonstop. The momentum was building at that point. 

Middle School camp this year was unlike any experience I’ve had. It ended up being the culmination of a season of my life.
We left on Saturday and the students were to arrive on Monday. I felt a strange feeling on Saturday all day. It was hard to explain; only that no one was specifically mean to one another, but there was a general vibe of negativity. Our work got done. We shot a video all day on Sunday while the rest of the crew continued to set up.

The students arrived as scheduled, and we were all tired as usual. Certain things we began to write off as typical glitches and minor road blocks. However, we still had yet to sit down as a group and surrender it all the Jesus.

Every set that we played began to have technical problems; major ones. Mics wouldn’t work, the sound system got struck by lightning, monitors cutting out, feedback, stage setup problems, and the list goes on.
Pastor Chet arrived a day late due to cancelled flights.
Early in the morning on Wednesday, one of our drama team members, Paul, goes into the hospital for appendicitis. He had to have surgery, thus the drama had to be re-written. 

Things were happening back home such as deaths, sickness, injury. 

We had a cloud of darkness over us. 

My emotions were running high and I had a major spiritual break down on the second night.

We watched with joy and triumph on Tuesday night as 70 students got saved, and the last night 20 more surrendered their lives. That alone brings it all in perspective.

As a small team, we began to wage spiritual battle.  We spent a night of intercessory prayer and worship that refocused us and literally transformed the lives of us in that room. It “happened” to be the exact time Paul was in the operating room. 
The next day services and worship began to take on new meaning.

Thursday, the last full day of camp, we did a Jericho / Joshua like prayer walk around our auditorium. We anointed everything with oil and did a walk followed by shouts and worship.
The Spirit was there and he was moving like a mighty wind.  

That night’s worship was the most indescribable worship set. 
It had nothing to do with us or anything we did in our own strength.
If I could have walked off that stage I would have.
That’s been the lesson for me. I can’t get on stage and do things out of habit or a sense of pride, or anything I think I have figured out. I am nothing. My own strength and merit counts for nothing next to His holiness.

My mind is empty of the junk. I am learning the true meaning of being still and knowing…..knowing that He is God. Being here in the Georgia wilderness has been transforming. 

All of this is hard to explain…. it’s hard to put into words. The beautiful thing is that God is bigger than our language, His spirit moves in ways we can’t understand. Everything is more colorful and more real. 

The experience of that week, whether I can explain it or not, whether I can share it with you or not, was real and the reality is that He desires us to seek Him extraordinarily. 
He will answer us in mighty ways when we run after who He is with everything.

I’m trying my best not to drown

I am in the middle of the hardest time of my year…

Three weeks?
Work every day?
Meetings?
No sleep?
Bloody finger tips?
Shlepping gear?
Summer Camp

I just got back from Student life High school camp with Liquid. It was awesome. God moved. My heart was changed in the process.
It was my ninth camp.

Then in seven days we leave for Middle school camp….
the big number ten.
This is where all the sweat, blood, tears, and sense of dignity goes…
into this camp.

It will be worth it in the end but, yes, I will ask myself at some point why I do this.
I answer only with this past photo


It must be the Sonic Cherry Limeades that hold us all together.